Mall cops huffing and puffing as they go door to door in Watertown, Mass., shaking with terror as they catch glimpses of discarded Dunkin’ Donuts boxes through their binoculars (ANOTHER SUSPICIOUS PACKAGE LOCATED … CONTROLLED DEMOLITION IN PROGRESS) – (ESTABLISH THE PERIMITAH!)

One teenager from the North Caucasus manages to paralyze the whole city and eluded thousands upon thousands of cops, nat’l guard, marines, while hijacking vehicle after vehicle, swiping police firearms, forcing them to pull back choppers because they’re afraid he’ll bring them down by flinging explosives into the air “Bomberman”-style.

So it turns out ZOG’s militarized Paul Blart units don’t amount to shit.