Pet Trolls (#1)

(Formatted as a series, in case it turns into one. ‘Pet’ denotes nothing beyond detached affection.)

The entire review (for Fanged Noumena, one star), by ‘Amazon Customer’ and entitled: Stick to Stephenie Meyer, for heaven’s sake!

My 15-year-old daughter Tricia is a great fan of vampire fiction, and I bought this for her from a remaindered book stall, thinking it would be just up her street. The rather childish daub on the cover did make me think that perhaps the book would be too young for her, but seeing as it was priced at 40p I reckoned I could not go too far wrong.

This is possibly the worst mistake I have ever made.

From being a happy-go-lucky Goth with a crush on Robert Pattinson, Tricia has become a ‘post-human nihilist’ who stays up all night listening to the sort of machine music that makes your ears bleed and gibbering about the ‘Dark Enlightenment’.

I have written to the book’s author to complain, but received no reply. I am informed by his publishers that Mr Land has in any case disowned all his previous writing and decamped to Shanghai.

None too soon, in my view – but too late for Tricia, I fear.

August 5, 2014admin 11 Comments »


11 Responses to this entry

  • Steve Johnson Says:

    This review is pretty good too:

    “This is the heart-warming story of a young man who discovers everything is awful and moves to China. “


    Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 2:38 pm Reply | Quote
  • nyan_sandwich Says:

    NRx band names:

    War Ape
    Too Late for Tricia


    Mr. Archenemy Reply:

    In my opinion, “War Ape” sounds much cooler in the original German.


    Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 3:11 pm Reply | Quote
  • Pet Trolls (#1) | Reaction Times Says:

    […] Source: Outside In […]

    Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 6:31 pm Reply | Quote
  • Alrenous Says:

    Intellectually I know this happens, but I’m still reliably surprised by how willfully ignorant the average parent is about the stuff they buy for their kids.

    It’s obviously not her fault that fang == vampire in her mind and she presumably can’t read the blurb on the back, so it must be your fault. (Is fault really alienable like this? Can I buy it?)


    nyan_sandwich Reply:

    It’s a troll. The review author is almost certainly one of Land’s acolytes.

    >Tricia has become a ‘post-human nihilist’ who stays up all night listening to the sort of machine music that makes your ears bleed and gibbering about the ‘Dark Enlightenment’.

    >post-human nihilist
    >machine music
    >Dark Enlightenment



    Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 10:55 pm Reply | Quote
  • Bill Says:

    I enjoyed Fanged Noumena. Read it cover to cover. The first essay on Kant is like leftist soil, and your insight is like a noticing seed. As the book goes along the seed sprouts, and by the end the noticing plant has turned back on itself.


    Posted on August 5th, 2014 at 11:03 pm Reply | Quote
  • Stirner (@heresiologist) Says:

    Someone in the Motte and Bailey thread posted for the lyrics for what should be the first single for Too Late For Tricia:

    Imagine all the other people
    living in their own countries far away
    imagine all the money
    spent on the white mans burden
    invested in the singularity
    its easy if you try
    No affirmative action dragging down productivity
    no lawsuits or welfare too
    imagine shaming slackers like we used to doohooo
    imagine cultural confidence a wonder what it could do
    think of all the things that might work again
    like they used to do
    public restrooms and waiting rooms in stations
    business handshakes public transportation
    imagine hundreds of millions less people in our lands
    how much cleaner it would be
    think how freer and easier
    imagine no criminal justice system no INS and DOE
    imagine how little a robotic dept of defense would cost
    if we only hadn’t spent the R and D on school lunches
    imagine no national debt or any interest too
    so many trillions every year to move our people forward
    imagine all the the talent used on spinning lies
    all those academics pundits and NGO and politicians
    freed up to lend a hand
    imagine leftism without all the free votes
    imagine all the hunter gatherers and pastoral fauna too
    returned to live the life they re adapted for
    protected from cellphones and tee shirts and AK 47s
    we can manage their populations and the rhinoceroses too
    they’ll think the drones are gods
    they’ll forget all about us
    in a generation or two
    you can say i’m a dreamer but i’m not the only one


    nyan_sandwich Reply:

    Needs some massaging to actually rhyme, and then needs to be set to a sophisticated techno/metal/classical tune, with ominous chanting in the background.


    Anthony Reply:

    The tune doesn’t have to be clever
    And it don’t matter if you put a couple extra syllables into a line
    It sounds more ethnic if it ain’t good English
    And it don’t even gotta rhyme – excuse me – rhyne


    Posted on August 6th, 2014 at 3:29 am Reply | Quote
  • Outside in - Involvements with reality » Blog Archive » Trolls Explained Says:

    […] to understand Internet trolls as abusive irritants, masters of disguise, satirists, or even amusing pets, you apparently need a good talking to. Farhad Manjoo writing in (surprise!) The New York Times has […]

    Posted on August 15th, 2014 at 5:44 pm Reply | Quote

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